My exhusband of 20 years is getting remarried this weekend. Wow!! I should be devastated or at least feel something…and yet I feel nothing.
Am I normal? Have I blocked my emotions to protect myself? Have I really dealt so well to the point of feeling nothing towards him? Do I wish him happiness? To be perfectly honest, no, I don’t care less wether he’s happy or not. Actually, I may even prefer if he was not happy.
As I drove my kids to the airport to go attend their father’s wedding for the weekend (along with their new shoes and new haircuts..), it dawned on me.
This is what hurts. My children will sit there at this wedding listening to speeches and declarations of how he’s never been happier and more in love. They will listen to their vows and promises. The promises of a man who broke every promise to their mother. This man, their father, their role model is standing there marrying the woman who he betrayed me with. By doing that, he makes a mockery of our marriage, the marriage and life that resulted in the birth of my beautiful innocent children.
And..this is the man they look up to. This is the man who is slowly but surely breaking his promises to them as well and they are beginning to see it. This is what hurts.