Do you ever wish that you had a “redo” button on your life? Do you ever wish that you could relive the last 25 years or 15 years of your life all over again?
If I could, I would make different choices…I would be different. I would be more independent, stronger, wilder, bolder, happier, less traditional. I would have lived by different rules, rules that I chose.
I was always the good girl. I did everything by the book, followed all the rules ( not mine..society’s rules, my parents’ rules). I was a great student. I listened to my parents. I chose a career they approved of, even though every cell of my being told me to choose the artistic field..but I took their sensible advice. I chose a husband that seemed to be picture perfect, that seemed to love me. You see, I married young because it was a good age per my society’s standards to get married. But.. I didn’t know who I wanted to be or maybe I thought I had time..
So, fast forward to the present time.. What happened? Here I am, a woman over forty, still trying to find myself. I am recovering from a broken marriage to a narcissist, who wiped out my self-esteem and confidence. I sacrificed who I wanted to be to support him and raise my children. Where am I now? A divorced woman ( totally not in my parents’ rule book, lol) no career, no financial independence..
This blog is about the search of who I am, what I will become in the midst of all this chaos.. I learned that rules are meant to be broken. From now on, I make up my new rules as I go along..and they are not fixed rules.. They change as I see fit.. They are MY NEW RULES!!! I don’t know where I will be 5 years from now.. I don’t even know where I will be a month from now. I am living a beautiful chaotic life. Yes, there is anxiety and stress, but there are also beautiful experiences that I cherish and learn from. I am grateful for those moments and can’t wait to see who I will become.